Thursday, July 30, 2009

Oh heck, lets build a deck

My husband and I have been saying for a while how much we'd like a deck (in our long and skinny backyard). About a months ago Matt and his dad (pappy Cappie) started building a deck. Ok, well, they started laying out the 'floor plan' for the deck. And now it is very much under way! pappie cappy has come up a few times to help and I cant say how much we apprecite that. Pretty soon we will have a little deck in our yard and I cant tell you how excited I am about it!


watching dad w/ the saw.


since I took these pictures...



it is even closer to...


being finished!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

what's this life

Tonight is one of those nights. The kind where you cant sleep. Tiredness never comes. Mind racing. Worry. Fear of the unknown. Wondering why 'stuff' happens...and the way it happens?!

I talked to a few people today. On the phone, via email, in person, on facebook and even some here in blogland. Actually, I did not talk to the people here in blogland. I have heard of their stories through friends here. To start I woke up worrying about my Aunt and Uncle. As my previous post states, she has her first MRI today since her surgery and treatments. She will get the results on Monday. And today she started her new chemo. treatments. This is just something that is always in my mind. I pray for her and her family, daily. Yes, I worry about her b/c she has cancer. But when I see her I feel at ease because she is doing great. She makes it less worrisome for all of us I am sure, with her faith and courage.

I talked to my mom a few times. My dad is home for now. Doing ok, I guess. But she and I both think there is more to the story than what we are being told. We know he has colon cancer and it has spread to his lymph nodes. For now that is all we know. Until he is healthy enough to endure another surgery and treatments, the cancer is stuck in there hopefully not spreading. He is scared. My mom is scared for him and just so exhausted. And I am worried. As usual. Worried!

My close friend works at a daycare. She told me today about this little girl that has been going there since she was a baby, who is now 18 months old and was just diagnosed w/ leukemia. I do not know her, never saw her in my life. I do not know the parents either. But being a mother, I just cant imagine going through something like that. I cant imagine what they are feeling. To think just a year ago she was a healthy baby girl. And now she is at Hershey Medical Center being treated for cancer! What is this cancer and why does it happen? I hate it!

I read this blog and it breaks my heart. This little boy (Stellan) and his family have gone through and are still going through so much. He is only 9 m/o. If you have time check out their blog. Also, please pray for him and his family.

So, now I know why I cant sleep. I am just so worried. I wonder why bad things happen to good people. Wether it is someone I know personally or not...it is sad. All day it seemed there was just bad news all around. I try to think positive but then I hear all this stuff and my heart breaks. I really wish things like this just didnt happen. Everywhere you turn you hear something about cancer or a child that is very sick. I hope GOD does have a plan. And I hope it is a good one. And I guess I have to learn to accept the things I cannot change. I will be thinking of all of these people. I will be hoping for the best. I will pray for them. But in the meantime I can't help but wonder, what's this life for if there is pain and sickness for so many people?!

Aunt Sam

Today my Aunt gets her MRI done. The first MRI since she has had her surgery to remove the cancer (glioblastoma satge IV) from her brain. The first MRI since she started her chemo. and radiation. They are checking for regrowth or new growths in different areas. She has gone through this amazingly well. No side effects from her treatments...only fatigue but not enough to keep her from doing stuff. I have a very strong feeling that all will go well. I have been praying for her as many others have also. She is so strong and courageous. I cant wait to hear how everything went! Love you Aunt Sam!!! You are an awesome person :)

Tickets to the Gun Show!

Matt (my husband) loves guns. He loves swords, guns, knives...anything that can destroy stuff. Or just make a mess of things... like his paintball gun. He bought spray paint and extra little gadgets to add on to it. The funny thing is, when he buys this stuff and I am w/ him. I will ask him what it's for and he seems embaressed to answer. He just smirks and says, "nothing". HA! He knows he is a nerd. I know he is a nerd. But I love my nerd. I think it is funny how he spray painted the gun camoflauge and then asks me how I like it. It just makes me laugh. It's like me asking him how he likes my granny-panties! :) Along w/ all this paint ball shenanigns he also made his own target out back. It is up against our shed and he painted a bullseye on it. So now our shed and the target have pink and gray paintball paint everywhere. And it doesnt seem to wash off. Here is a pic. of his gun he designed, kind of.

Birthday

Sat, July 25th was my b-day. Wed., July 22 was my dad's b-day. We celebrated, like we do every year, at my Aunt and Uncles. It wasnt quite the same this year though. My dad was still at Manor Care. He was able to join us for a little, which was great. But after about 2 hrs. he was tired and wanted to go back to hang out w/ the white hairs and have his liquid dinner! :) We were also missing Erik and Jerusha and their 4 kids!

Kayli and Laney enjoyed swimming in the pool. I think they were in the pool majority of the day. They loved being w/ their 'Ammie Sammie' (as Laney calls her) and Uncle Jimmy! They both missed Karis, Jot, Mercia and Jedi. Kayli cant wait to see Karis and swim w/ her! And I cant wait to see everyone. I had a great b-day but my one wish is that next year we can all be together again as a family and all of us healthy :)


big cheese


momma, yook, I swippim




boat ride


laney, 'swim-soup' on and 'nooble' in hand!


my ariel swim-soup


they will never drown! Floatation-nation




Saturday, July 25, 2009

I like this...

I got this great email from my Aunt. I really enjoyed it...it's so true!

Maya Angelou said this:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. "

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she
handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled
Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."

"I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt
on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

“I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart,
I usually make the right decision."

"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget
what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Laney

I am pretty sure this is what Laney has. Esp. the part about PFAPA. Her DR agreed. Unfortunately, there isnt much we can do for her. She is basically a very healthy little girl. She doesnt get 'sick' too often. Atleast not w/ colds, flus, stomach viruses, etc...This is not contagious, which is great. It just makes her feel like poo for a few days. It says on here that parents can usually predict when their child will get a fever/when one is coming on and that is so true!! I hope she grow out of this soon. I just feel so bad for her when she gets these fevers.

Infectious diseases - Periodic fevers - Children's Memorial Hospital (Chicago, IL)

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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

My poor girlie

My little Laney is sick. She has a fever. No other symptoms. She has been getting this fever thing since she was about 6 months old. It is always just a fever. And when I take her to the DR they always tell me it is just a virus. Like yesterday...Dr. Kirby said it is just a viral infection because besides the fever she had no other symptoms. The last time she got this was on May 21st. So, it has been 9 weeks. This is the longest she has gone w/out getting it. However, back in May when she got this, I was so concerned. I took her to the DR. This time I had Dr. Sirolly. I told her my fears of Laney getting this fever, literally, every 4-6 weeks on the dot, like clock-work. And there has been a few times where she has only gone 2 weeks between fevers. It didnt seem normal to me. Kayli has not been as sick as much as Laney has been and Kayli is 5. Laney has had more fevers, I think, than I have had in my 33 years. Finally, this time, I got a DR who was going to do something about it and not brush it off as a virus and tell me, "oh it is normal for kids to get 10-12 colds a year." Since Laney had no other symptoms and such a high fever for 2 days at this point, she did a urinalysis. And sent her for blood work. Everything ended up coming back pretty normal. She was a bit anemic but she told me that iron supplements would do the trick. And she also said that something was elevated from her Sed. Rate...but that was due to the fever and was normal. She wanted to repeat the blood work in about 8-10 weeks. I was going to take her for her blood work but now I have to wait since she is sick right now. Dr. Sirolly did mention to me that she could have something called, Periodic Fever Syndrome. But there isnt really anything you can do for that. Hopefully this is something she will grow out of. I hate seeing my poor girlies sick. I know it is just a fever but it bugs me. Last time she had this, her fever got up to 104.5 the one night. So scary! I will admit, this time she doesnt seem as sick. When I give her meds. Esp. during the day (yesterday andso far today) she acts like she isnt even sick. She is running around, screaming, hitting Kayli, pretending to be Tinkerbell. I hope this time it passes quickly. I know she hates feeling sick and I hate seeing her sick. Also, I do need to go to the gym. I feel so disconnectedwhen I dont get to work out and have 'me ' time. haha!



8am today. She felt terrible! :(


1 hour later after Motrin.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

outside and slushies

Today we had the girls outside for a little while Matt was shooting paintballs at the target he made. haha How ghetto is that!? Anyway, it was a fun eve. for a Sunday. We ended up taking a walk to Turkey Hill w/ our friends a few houses away to get slushies for all the kiddies.



Laney peeking


dancing


again...dancing


goofball


Kayli and Andrea enjoying their slushies

all the girls realaxin over a cold one


Best Friends Forever


swimming

Yesterday my mom and I headed over to my Aunt and Uncles house to visit and to take a dip in their pool. I love going to their pool. We dont get to go too often since Laney still takes a nap and I go to the gym during the week. But on weekends we find the time and take advantage of the pool and good company! :) Both girls really love swimming. Kayli can swim w/ no "floatie devices" as she calls them. But she loves to use them anyway. Laney also loves all things that keep her a-float, all at the same time (as you can see in the picture below)!




















Friday, July 17, 2009

Down in the dumps

This morning my mom called me as she left the hospital from visiting my dad. She said she talked to the DR. Well, actually it was the intern of my dads DR. (DR. in my book either way). He said they were sending my dad home in the next few days. His PICC was staying in so he could be fed that way (TPN). Also they will continue his antibiotics via the PICC too. He has a vacuum like thing attached to his abdominal incision (the part that was previously packed w/ gauze) to suck out all the infection and to heal it faster. This link describes it. My mom was not too happy they decided to send him home this quickly w/ all his attachments. She started to cry and just said what was on her mind. She has to work. There is no way around it. She feels terrible having my dad home alone all day. They had visiting nurses lined up but she only had a few days left due to the insurance. And my mom is not a nurse at all. She knows she couldnt handle changing all that stuff herself. Can you imagine emptying a canister filled w/ bacterial puss like infected smelly fluid that came out of someones gut?! Gag-o-rama!! She even went on to say how we dont even have a 'diagnosis' yet. No one has told her anything or what's to come or what they will be dealing w/ down the road, etc... She told me the intern just looked at her, shocked, and said, "m'am, your husband has cancer." There ya have it. Cancer! It is so different when you hear it then it is just worrying if you/someone has it. It was my dad's biggest fear. Obviously, we were sorta of expecting it to be cancer. A large mass in your colon isnt promising. Esp. w/ his family history. Literally, everyone on his side of the immediate family dealt w/ cancer. His brother. His father, who later died of Parkinsons disease. And his mother who lost her battle w/ recurring breast cancer. The intern explained that the mass was so big that my dad will need chemo/radiation before he has surgery to shrink it. It most likely started growing as a polyp maybe 10 yrs. ago. It does not seem to have spread to any other organs. His CTscan showed his liver and lungs were clear. That's a good thing (to me atleast). Intern told my parents that my dad will not make it if they do not remove it. They have to wait until the infection is cleared up to start the treatments. They are hoping in about 3-4 wks he will be ready to go. However, like I said in my previous posts, my dad is so weak right now. Hence, the TPN! And right now, he most likely could not handle anything else...no surgery or treatment. My dad has a chance to make it through this, though. But he needs to get healthier and gain weight. Mr. Intern even said that he has a hard road ahead if him and they are there to try to get him past all this and healthy again. They need his help, he NEEDS to be a fighter. He needs to stay strong and positive.

After they do the treatments they will do the surgery to remove it. Hopefully the chemo/rad. will do it's job and shrink the sucker! Hopefully my dad can handle it! At this point they do not know if he will need more treatments after surgery. They are going to remove lymph nodes too and check around for other signs of cancer while they are in there. Again, they said his CT scan showed that it didnt seem to have spread to them (or anywhere) but they are doing it as a precautionary measure. If they remove this mass, my dad has a good chance. That makes me so happy, relieved and full of joy. I am just scared to death he isnt strong enough for this, physically. If only you saw him... nothing but skin and bones.

As for now, my mom was able to get him into a home care place for about a week. More if he needs it. Not rehab or a nursing home, so to speak. It for 'short stay' patients who do not need the hospital but really arent ready to be on their own yet. Thank GOD for that. It makes less stress for my mom and suprisingly, my dad was OK with it. He will most likely be leaving the hospital on Monday and going to this new place. Sorry, I forget what it is called?! This is all I know for now. I will keep my blog updated for my small amount of readers who want to read about it.

Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers. This is a very hard time for our family. My Aunt dealing w/ her diagnosis of GBM back in April and my dad w/ his new diagnosis of 'extensive sigmoid cancer'. I hope and pray for both of them every single day. I love them both dearly. They are staples of my life. Whatever comes their way I wish them peace. I want them to both know they are so loved by many. And tons of people are praying for them. Hang in there guys! Esp. you dad...Sam already has the concept. Be strong for yourself and for you family. Love you! xoxo

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Good ol' daddy-o

Tonight my mom took my dad back to the hospital. When he had his surgery, on Tues June 30th, they didnt sew him up. The packed his incision. I am not sure exactly why. I think it is b/c they are planning on going back in (to remove the mass on his colon). He has been home since last Wed, July 8. So, 1 week. He has had a visiting nurse come out and change his bandages every day. The past couple of days I think it has been oozing. Today while I was there mowing the lawn he showed the bandages to me. I did see the gauze that it was packed w/ had a light brownish color to it. My mom ended up calling his DR when she got home from work to see if this was normal. Apparently it had a very bad odor to it and it was puffy on the one side too. YUCK! His DR. said to pack a bag and go to the hospital. My mom took him this eve. he was admitted to the ER as an emergency so he did not have to wait. They did cultures of the incision. And tonight they are doing a Catscan w/ dye to see whats causing the oozing. They think it may be his bowels. Ugh, terrible! He may need another surgery. If he does get another one I am not sure they will remove his colon mass or not. He is so weak. Literally has no energey, ever. He weighs about 150lbs. He looks terrible! I have never seen my dad this thin. And my mom said since she has known him (40 yrs) he has never looked so skinny! There is skinny and there is 'sick skinny' and he is beyond sick skinny. Although, I do not understand why they think, IF the mass is cancer, that will help him gain his strength back. It's like a no win situation. Not healthy enough for surgery but not healthy enough to keep it in there either. I can honestly say my hopes are not high. I feel so bad for my dad. He is so scared!! Some people would say, it is his fault b/c he put it off so long. And I see that perspective. But just imagine if you were in this situation he is in. No matter how or why you got there it would be scary! I know I would be scared to death. My mom is scared for my dad. I am also scared for my mom. Everything is so unknown right now. But I have a feeling actually knowing more wont help the situation. What else could a mass in his colon be? Not to mention on his sheets he has at home for the nurses to sign, under diagnosis, it says, "extensive sigmoid ca."

Please keep my dad/family in your prayers if you think of it. They are so so needed right now! He may not have physical strength, but he needs spiritual strength to guide him through this time. Like my mom always says, "your dad never claimed to be a big-mocho, brave man." He may have not gone to the DR in aeons but he is a son, a friend, a father, a husband, a grandfather, an uncle, a father-in-law, a brother, a cousin, a nephew...he is very loved. And we dont want to have to miss him too! I love you dad! I hope you can make it through this...I am praying for you, as are many others.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Potty?

Today is the day I decided we (I) need to start getting Laney more acquainted w/ going to the potty. She has sat on it several times, starting back before she even turned 2. I do not think she ever did anything in it though. She plays w/ the toilette paper like crazy and just likes to sit there and look at books/magazines. It seems when she really has to go, she wants to get off of the potty and asks for a diaper. I put "pull-ups" on her today. She was so very excited she did a little dance and everything. She even told me to take her pic to show off her beautiful pull-up! I do not know how smooth this will go. But I will keep ya'll posted! Wish us luck!



hey everyone!!




Looky!!

shakin' the booty in the pull-up

Sunday, July 12, 2009

whole lotta pictures

Yesterday morning after breakfast we took the girls to Greenfield Corporate Center (where Matt works) to feed the ducks, walk around and play on the playground. I love this place. It is so pretty. They have a path all around the park, which is huge. There are usually many ducks, geese and swans. However, yesterday there were so many that we actually had to put the bread away. Otherwise we would have been attacked! The last time we were there two different sets of geese had gosselings. They were so tiny and you could tell they were very young. Laney fell in love w/ these baby "cucks", as she calls them. She was dissapointed to see that they are not small anymore. You really couldnt tell a difference between them and the older geese. Except the younger ones did have a hint of the fluffy feathers left...Laney did not notice that. She thought all the babies were taking their nap. We did have a lot of fun. The girls were chasing each other on the playground and making a game out of me trying to take their pictures. That's probably why I was able to get so many good ones. It seems they turn out better when they are random and the kids are not "posing." I always seem to get a generic, cheesey smile. But this time I got real laughs and giggles. Even some irritated looks from Laney. Enjoy!!!



just some of the geese we fed




Kayli riding the wobbler


Laney was screaming...she said she was stuck


on the wooden push-up table

Laney on the wobbler


weeeeeeeeee


tube slider


hangin' out


attacking me...she was mad I was taking her pic. again



giggle


some more giggles


shocked I got her pic while she was hiding


in front of the fountain


rock-n-rolla's


big wooden chair


pouting, she didnt want to go home


weeeeeee


yelling for Kayli


on the balance beam thingy


just love the smile :)



















Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Lets just vent a little...

I do not know how many of you get frustrated easily. But I know I do! It is something that I am aware I need to work on. Especially with my children. From the minute I wake up each day, all I hear is, "I want this or that or anything in between" from my kids. Some day I deal better but other days, like today, I could just explode I get so mad. Being a mom means putting all your wants, desires and most of the time, needs aside until it is convenient for everyone else. I hate saying this because it is so selfish. But that just bugs me sometimes. I know I am selfish and I always have been. I clearly remember, before I had kids...when someone would ask me if I wanted children after marriage and all that jazz...I would say, "I dont know, I am too selfish for kids." My five year old, Kayli, is the queen of asking for things. Matt and I have tried time and time again to explain to her that you can always get what you want. And you shouldnt always ask for things...she asks for unattainable things all the time. There are times, when I hear one of them ask for more juice or a snack and I find myself cringing because all I want to do is sit and not hear anyone ask me for things. I do think this is wrong of me because, I am their mom and thats what moms do. DO any of you have this issue too? Or is it just me? But then there are times like today, as soon I opened my eyes at 6am, Kayli was right there and asked me if we could go to Dutch Wonderland. I said, "no, we have already been there this summer." I did not say it mean or snappy and she immediately threw a fit. whining, crying and thrashing around like a baby. And what did I do? I freaked on her! I was mad because she woke me up. I was mad because she asked such a silly question. And I was mad because she threw the fit. I just wonder how long it takes to get it through her head that acting that way is wrong?! I know she is young and she doesnt do it to be mean. But I swear she purposely thinks of things to ask for just to ask for something. And it usually is something that we cant do that day. Like go to the beach or to Disney World. She gets so mad when I say, "no not today...but possibly sometime" She didnt act like this before Laney was born. And Laney does throw her share of fits too. But for some reason it just really makes me mad when Kayli does it. How do you teach your kids to be grateful for what they have? How do you get them to not throw fits everytime they hear the word, "NO?" I am sure some of the blame is mine/ Matts. I dont think we raised either of our children to do this. They do not get what they want all the time. And I keep thinking that it should pass and it is just a stage. But so far it hasnt and it seems to be getting worse. Dont get me wrong, I love my kids with all my heart. I am just at a loss sometimes on what to do to get this to end. If any of you have days like this, please share! I just had to get this off my chest :)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Update on Dad

Since my last post on my dad a few things have changed. Lets see, tomorrow he is coming home. Good news...however, he does have a long road ahead of him. Since last Tuesday (his initial surgery for the abscess) he was put on IV antibiotics. He had a tube going in his nose to his stomach, I think it is called a nasogastric suction. http://www.enotes.com/medicine-encyclopedia/nasogastric-suction. That was removed on Sat. morning. He has been eating very well. Since he didnt get any food at all until the 3rd. day and even then it was only liquid for a day or so. YUCK! He has gotten a PICC line put in his arm on Sat. also. That is for his antibiotics and for nutrients. My mom said he has large bags of different colored mushy stuff that goes into his PICC to give him everything he needs to build his strength back up and help him gain weight. He is currently about 145lbs and is 6 feet tall. Skinny! His kidney failed at some point. We do not know if it was before he went to the hospital, during the surgery or after. But today he had some procedure done by the urologist to get his kidney back up and running properly. From my understanding it worked. The Urologist said he did very well in the surgery and everything looks great. My dad is still in pain from his abdominal incision. They didnt sew it back up. They just pack it shut w/ gauze since they are going to go back in to take the mass out of his colon in a few weeks. He has been walking a lot. He gets around well. And his Dr said he is doing great. My parents are going to have a visiting nurse go out to the house once a day, for a few weeks, to change his dressing on his abdomen and to give him the antibiotics via the PICC. I dont think they are sure about the food bags yet. They may not send them home w/ him. My mom will learn how to do all this, but changing the dressing is very iffy for her. I dont think I'd be able to do that either!! ha!

Overall my dad is doing well. We are all worried what the future holds for him. I mean, a mass in the colon never sounds good. The Dr. never mentioned how big it is or anything. When he has that surgery he will remove the mass along w/ part of the colon a few inches above and below. And then sew the good parts of the colon together. This article will describe it best.

We do not know wether he will need any further medical treatment after that or not. We pray he doesnt. He will need to go get frequent colonoscopy's after all this. Fun times! But hey, would you rather have one of them done OR have a mass growing up in your ass? As of now his spirits are good. Better than they were a week ago. I am sure he is dying to get home to take a shower...a real shower. And sleep in his own bed! Please keep him in your prayers. It was stupid of him to put off seeing any Dr. all these years and because of that he is in this position. But that isnt what is happening NOW. I am sure he is learning his lesson and he feels like a jerk for not listening to everyone. And oh how I wish this didnt happen. But we all live and learn. I could kick him, throw rocks at him, yell at him, but that doesnt take away that, right now, he is dealing with. As some dude once said, "We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future."

random stuff

This post is rather ho-hum. But I thought it was funny...you may not since you werent here at the time but it really made me laugh...hence the, "guess you had to be there" phrase comes to mind. Kayli and Laney were in the living room the other morning. Laney was fake coughing and sneezing. I even heard her say a few times, "oh Docta, Imma frowup". After she said that a few times it got my attention and I turned around to this...


Dr. Kayli said her patient had the 'swamp flu'


Laney said, "docta, yea I hadda pamsfuuu"



This is just a pic. Kayli drew of her fav. cartoon. Phineas and Ferb.
Candance and Perry are on the left. Phineas and Ferb on the right. It is jumbled together but let me tell ya...this kid can draw. And I know she doesnt get that from me!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Independance Day

Our 4th of July was simple but fun! My mom came down to enjoy the day w/ us. We all had a long day but it was well worth it. The girls behaved very well and I was pleasantly suprised that both of them loved the fireworks. This was Laney's first time seeing them and she was so excited. The entire time she kept singing "oh Christmas Tree" because a few of the firt fireworks were green. It was a fun day! I was able to get tons of pics.of our day. I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday weekend! Independance Day, is one of my favs. Nothing like being w/ your family for some food, fun and fireworks.



Kayli w/ her sparkler


singing "twinkle twinkle Little Star"




waiting for dad to light her sparkler


watching dad fire it up


Kayli and Laney's fav. person, Nanny! (my mom)


smokin'

my girls <3


laughing

running to find Andrea


so excited she started dancing


I gotchu sucka


beach babes gone pool side


Kayli w/ her water soaker

silly


her "amika" t-shirt (as she calls it)


and Kayli's America t-shirt!