ranting...

This post will be all about me...bitching about stuff. Well, not so much "bitching" as maybe whining. Maybe not even whining...you can say I am just wishing for 'stuff' that is unobtainable at this time in my (our) lives and there are times when it really makes me sad (I guess that's the word).

Where to begin?? Let's see, today, Matt went to the VW dealership to talk to someone about the lease that is ending on our car in April. Obviously, we were excited because we were thinking we could get a new car out of it. Another lease of course. He came home to talk to me before he made any decisions. Basically, it came down to us keeping the car and paying for the inspection next month and having to have everything (literally) fixed or replaced. And still having a monthly payment close to what we pay now for 4 more years. OR putting some cash down and getting a new car. We chose the new car route, well, because we really love new cars. Who doesn't?! And if we hand it in before the end of March, we won't have to pay for our car to get inspected and all the other things that need done to it.

I am very glad Matt decided to come home and talk to me first. I appreciate that in him...he does always ask my opinions. They want $3200.00 and that is including the 'loyalty cost' that they deducted. it was $4000.00. To me, that is CRAZY!!! Literally I was amazed at how much everything is these days. I just sat there and wanted to cry. We got our tax money back a few weeks ago. And every year we try to do something to our house. Last Year it was the deck. The year before that, we replaced the computer desk, the TV, our kitchen/dining room floors. You get the point. This year we were all set to get 2 replacement windows. One in Kayli's room and one in Laney's room. Our house has all newer windows except, those two and the one in the bathroom. We do not even have screens to fit in the windows so over the summer/spring the upstairs in always so stuffy since no windows are open except for the two in our room. We went to Lowe's the end of January to get an estimate. They came out to measure and check out the windows. They called us w/ a price and we were all set. We were going to get 2 new windows. We haven't called to set up a date for them to put the windows in because of the snow. I guess I am glad we didn't do that yet. Even though, I really, really want new windows. If we get this car we most likely will not be able to afford the windows. I tried talking Matt into getting a used Jetta and he said no because then nothing is covered on it. Oh yeah, did I mention all the maintenance services of the (new) car are covered?! Never heard of that but that is what Matt said the salesman told him.

Anyway, I just sit and think of how much there is I want to do to our home. The windows, the garage, the garage roof, a new fence, carpeting our stairs, getting the electric updated (we only have one outlet in each room upstairs),new furniture in Laney's room. And the list goes on! If I had a job, a good job. Maybe we could afford these things. If Matt would actually get a pay check when he is supposed to maybe we wouldn't have some of the problems we have. Considering he works his butt off for pretty much nothing these days! But I wont get into that now...that is a whole other post!! I really should say, we do not have money problems. We do fine with what we have and we have no debt. I really do just want more for us. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for what I have. I (we) have a roof over my head. Clothes on our back, food in our fridge and my kids are spoiled rotten. I see all these homes for sale and I always say, "oh wow, I wonder how much they're asking for that?" And the response is always the same, "it doesn't matter, we cant afford it." I know not many people can just up and go buy a house. And I do not expect to ever be able to do that. It just seems that so many things get put on hold for so long.

I want a bigger house w/ a (nice) fence. A house w/ a hallway and doors (we have no bedroom doors upstairs). I want a yard where my neighbor doesn't let her fence fall into ours and just let it lay there until Matt picks it up. I want to be able to do whatever it is we have to do with our car and not have to put anything else on hold for another year. I get frustrated and discouraged. It is partly my fault. I could have went to college and had a 'real' job that pays decent money. I see all these other people my age or even younger. People I went to school with, etc...and they have the huge house with several sassy cars, a pool w/ a jacuzzi. A Maid, a nanny, a pet sitter. And to top it off, they stay at home w/ their children while their husbands work. WTF??!! That gets me. And I will say, I am sooooo jealous!

I am grateful for my family (all of you). I am grateful for my home. I am grateful for our cars. I am grateful for the health of my children, my husband and myself. I am grateful for my cute little kitty cats. So after reading this do not think I am not grateful. I just get in that zone where I linger on the 'wants' instead of what is right in front of me. I am going to admit it...even after knowing, seeing and feeling all the love in my life and all the things I am grateful for I still want those windows damnit!!! LOL

If you read all of this go get yourself a cookie or something. You deserve it!! But please tell me I am not the only one who feels like this at times?!!